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Thanks to Philip Partain for this amusing anecdote:
Upon my arrival at Parris Island, one of the first
thing I noticed is that nothing is called by the same name as
it was back home. No longer do we go to the restroom, stand
by the wall, or climb stairs; we make headcalls, stand on the
bulkhead, and go topside via the ladderwell. Not only that,
I no longer had a first and last name. In our battalion, our
first name became “Recruit” and my Drill
Instructors found that it was easier to remember us by the names
they gave us, than by the last names we showed up with. We all
learned to answer to “Nasty”, “Lost
One”, and “You”, but if you
were really unlucky, you earned a very special, personal name;
thus, here is the story of “Recruit Love”.
In Platoon 1048 one was lower than pondscum on most
occasions, however, few things would lower your status quicker
than either a) not knowing one of your General Orders or b)
sounding off like “you don’t have a pair”
when called upon. Recruit McGee (as he was formerly known) had
a somewhat different problem. Recruit McGee, like myself, was
from the deep southeast region of the United States. Let’s
just say, we ain’t known for our good grasp of grammar.
Besides using words that the general population at large is
unfamiliar with, we have a tendency to be difficult to understand
if forced to talk any faster than, say, 15-20 words per minute.
When flustered, McGee would completely brainfart and seemingly
forget English completely and babble in a strange tongue that
only vaguely resembled English. Every now and then you could
make out the words “sir” and “headcall”,
but beyond that, God only knew what this recruit was saying.
One particular occasion however, our ‘heavy’,
Drill Instructor Sergeant DeMars, who I believe was also from
our neck of the woods, decided he had tolerated as much of this
as he was going to. Somehow in his DI mind, if McGee were to
sweat a little bit, that would help his English. Go figure.
At any rate, once the melee was finished, Drill Instructor Sgt.
DeMars, in rare form, explained to Recruit McGee what brought
this on, and this is when McGee earned his new name. It went
something like this:
“McGee, what the f*&k is wrong with you?
Why can’t you speak English?”
“I can sir”
“BullS#&T. You BETTER learn how to speak
English because IF you graduate, everywhere you go you will
be representing MY Marine Corps, and MY United States! You are
an American and you will be representing America wherever you
go!!! Besides, what is the universal language, McGee???
“Love, sir!!!”
I think that was the first laugh that didn’t
earn us a trip to the quarterdeck.
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